I became obsessed with searching the net for what was wrong with me. I went onto postings that were filled with other desperate, pathetic women that I totally related to. The standard posting of a woman who was trying to conceive or TTC as the posters cutely coined it went a little something like this:
BABYHOPE2000: Hi girls! Hubby and I have been TTC for one year now. I just took my fourth pregnancy test and failed it but I really feel pregnant! My period is four hours late and I am SO regular. Also, I was nauseas while drinking my Bloody Mary yesterday morning and I’ve been really bitchy lately. I’ve had crazy headaches and been completely zonked. Do you think all the pregnancy tests could be wrong? Thanks for any responses you send and a good sprinkling of Baby Dust to all!
The responses would vary from “you go girl, I’m sure you’re pregnant, I have the same thing going on” to “you are a friggin’ moron.”
Around this time, friends would joyfully announce that they were pregnant. It was especially painful when the expectant parents would laugh and say that they weren’t even trying and then “whoops! what a happy accident.” I had to swallow my angry, bitter response and offer my congratulations.
After all, it wasn’t their fault that my womb was a dried up, barren desert. It was time to get help.