Momlissa’s Weblog

Infertility, pregnancy and motherhood with a sense of humor (because crying isn’t an option!)

Putting out February 13, 2008

So we decided to have a baby.  I went off the pill and figured I would instantly get knocked up.  What happened was my period was longer, irregular and painful.  Close to a year went by and I was still babyless.  I decided I needed to do some research.  I went online and made some shocking discoveries.

One – you can only get pregnant two days a month.  All those horror stories I was told in high school were complete crap.  I found out that you had to chart your cycle and count twelve days back from the day you expected your next period.  That day was the day you were most likely to get pregnant.  So I’d been putting out all month, when really I only had to give it up one night.  I was a bit miffed.

Two – you are supposed to take your basal body temperature.  All you have to do is take your temp with a thermometer that reads your temp very precisely first thing in the morning before you move.  You keep track of your temp on a chart and when it spikes, you’re ovulating.  I don’t know if I’m just a freak, but when I open my eyes in the morning, the only thing on my mind is peeing and coffee.  Needless to say, I usually forgot about charting my temperature until I was two cups of coffee deep.

Three – you are advised to check your vaginal mucus.  I read that sentence and quickly skipped the paragraph.  I don’t want to know my body that well.

I decided to get serious.  Although I wasn’t willing to to keep track of my vagina’s mucus situation, there were other steps I could take.  I bought fertility tests (you pee on test strips and you get a positive when you’re ovulating) and jumped my hubby on my fertile days (and only my fertile days….he’d gotten enough free action). 

I fell into a depressing routine over the next six months.  Week one would be my period.  Week two would be spent gearing up to concieve.  I would test positive for ovulation and have sex imagining my husband’s sperm jetting into my egg (sex wasn’t about enjoyment for me anymore…it was a mission).  Weeks three and four would be spent with me feeling every symptom of pregnancy.  I would get sore breasts, nausea, exhaustion, food cravings and other random symptoms that I would then research for hours on the internet.  I would shop for baby furniture and maternity clothes, positive I was pregnant.  Then I would get my period and lock myself in my room and ball my eyes out, completely crushed. 

I felt like damaged goods.  I was barren.

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5 Responses to “Putting out”

  1. amberfireinus Says:

    I have heard this same story many times. And all of the women said that when they finally gave up and relaxed and stopped being crazy to themselves over it, they got pregnant.

    So relax. If you are meant to be a mother, you will be. God has a plan. Even if you don’t physically produce a baby, one will magically appear in your life.

  2. katarinajellybeana Says:

    All due respect, amberfireinus, that “just relax” assvice is a load of hooey and extremely insulting to those experiencing infertility. Medical conditions are not corrected by relaxing. Cancer isn’t cured by it. Diabetes doesn’t go away because of it. No reason infertility should work that way. Please don’t actually tell anyone that in real life. It’s more hurtful than you know.

    Momalissa–glad you started blogging! I hope you find it helpful and theraputic and fun. Have you checked out Mel’s blog at http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.com/
    She’s got the master list of infertility blogs…and none of us spout off about baby dust. I promise.

  3. amberfireinus Says:

    katarina…Im sorry you were offended by my advice. I am unable myself to have children. I know the pain and suffering it causes. However, God did bring children into my life to raise. It wasnt in my plan for it to happen that way… but it was his plan. That was my point.

    Again.. sorry to be offensive to you or anyone else.

  4. katarinajellybeana Says:

    amberfireinus–thanks for the reply! I know you didn’t intend for it to be hurtful. No one ever does, but that only takes a bit of the sting away.

    I agree completely that our families can come to us in a hundred thousand ways and that we can’t possibly know the plan. We have to stay open to the possibilities.

    The “Just Relax” thing is a particular burr to me (and to many women I know) and I know I’m overly sensitive to it. It seems to be the first thing people say when they don’t know what to say—and it’s honestly just not true. Lowering stress can help with a lot of things, but it won’t make my ovaries work on their own. It won’t fix Nancy’s scarred uterus. It won’t cure Endo = Baby’s?? endomeitriosis. It’s blaming me for something that is beyond my control. It’s putting respoinsibility for my inability to conceive on me.

    I already feel bad for so many things, I can’t add guilt for not relaxing to the list. Don’t have time for it.

    I’m actually a little surprised to hear that particular phrase from you since you weren’t able to conceive on your own. I’m glad that your journey has left you with such optimism. Whatever your story is, I really am happy that you were able to form your own family.

    Momlissa–sorry for the blog hijack… welcome to the blogosphere! 🙂

  5. Missy Says:

    Hi. I just wanted to welcome you to the blogging community. I can really relate to this post and the frustration that you’re expressing.


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