Momlissa’s Weblog

Infertility, pregnancy and motherhood with a sense of humor (because crying isn’t an option!)

I need professional help February 14, 2008

After scaring the crap out of myself by going on the net and turning into a webochondriac, I decided to seek professional help.

Over the last year or so, I had complained to my primary care doctor about having problems conceiving, or my Infertile Myrtle Disorder* (*not an actual disorder to anyone except me).  At my age I had to have been actively trying to get pregnant before fertility issues would be brought up.  I’m an impatient person, so a year seemed like forever to me (I think it seems like forever to any woman who desperately wants to have a baby).

The advice the doc gave me over that year was to relax and “just let things happen.”  After a pregnancy-free year I got a referral to my OB-GYN.

At my appointment I was given the obligatory pelvic exam.  Nothing seemed obviously wrong to the doc, such as a missing uterus or something, so she started to question me on my history.  Other than that my period was very irregular and that some months when I would use fertility test kits I would never get a positive result, there was nothing that jumped out to the doctor.

It was decided that I should take a common fertility drug called Clomid for three months or until I conceived, whichever came first.  I left the OB’s office feeling confused and sad, which is a bit worse than I usually feel when leaving the gyno, but not much.

Once I got home and talked things over with my husband, we decided that if we were going to be taking such active steps towards becoming pregnant, that we wanted a specialist to review everything.  I got a referral for an endocrinologist in my area and made an appointment for six weeks later at which time the fun REALLY began.

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Getting bitter February 13, 2008

I became obsessed with searching the net for what was wrong with me.  I went onto postings that were filled with other desperate, pathetic women that I totally related to.  The standard posting of a woman who was trying to conceive or TTC as the posters cutely coined it went a little something like this:

BABYHOPE2000:  Hi girls!  Hubby and I have been TTC for one year now.  I just took my fourth pregnancy test and failed it but I really feel pregnant!  My period is four hours late and I am SO regular.  Also, I was nauseas while drinking my Bloody Mary yesterday morning and I’ve been really bitchy lately.  I’ve had crazy headaches and been completely zonked.  Do you think all the pregnancy tests could be wrong?  Thanks for any responses you send and a good sprinkling of Baby Dust to all!

 The responses would vary from “you go girl, I’m sure you’re pregnant, I have the same thing going on” to “you are a friggin’ moron.”

Around this time, friends would joyfully announce that they were pregnant.  It was especially painful when the expectant parents would laugh and say that they weren’t even trying and then “whoops!  what a happy accident.”  I had to swallow my angry, bitter response and offer my congratulations. 

After all, it wasn’t their fault that my womb was a dried up, barren desert.  It was time to get help.