Momlissa’s Weblog

Infertility, pregnancy and motherhood with a sense of humor (because crying isn’t an option!)

And the fun begins February 16, 2008

I had left work thinking that I could easily use my lunch hour for my first RE appointment.  Well, my lunchtime came and went and I was still sitting in the waiting room.  When the doc finally appeared she was very apologetic, however this proved to be a bad habit of hers in the months to come.

Once we were settled in her office she got right down to business.  We went over my health and sex history.  The only thing that I have ever had problems with is incredibly painful periods that come and go as they please.  She thought aloud that it may be endometriosis but they wouldn’t know anything until Hubby and I went through a battery of tests.

Hubby had to drop off a sperm sample so that we could rule him out as the cause (I knew it wasn’t going to be him because I’m always the one causing problems).  I would get a tube test to make sure my tubes were open.  Then, I was to come in on day three for blood work.  Days five through nine I’d take Clomid.  Day ten would involve more blood work.  Days twelve through twenty, I was to pee on an ovulation test until I got a positive result.  When I got a positive result, Hubby was to drop off his little soldiers at the clinic by 7:30 a.m.  His sperm would then be washed and inserted into me via an IUI.  We would repeat this process for three months or until I became pregnant.  This cycle long project was cutely called the Clomid Challenge test.

Well I hate challenges.  Why the F couldn’t I just get pregnant?????  I was feeling extremely sorry for myself (which I am very good at) as I walked to my car with my mouth hanging open like an idiot.  I immediately started crying as I dialed my husband.  He barely got out the words “how did it go?” before I started babbling about his dirty spermy that needed to be washed and my inability to do what women had been doing for ages without involving a turkey baster, which is what the IUI process sounded like. 

I needed to get back to work so that I could spend hours researching just what was going to happen to me.

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Getting bitter February 13, 2008

I became obsessed with searching the net for what was wrong with me.  I went onto postings that were filled with other desperate, pathetic women that I totally related to.  The standard posting of a woman who was trying to conceive or TTC as the posters cutely coined it went a little something like this:

BABYHOPE2000:  Hi girls!  Hubby and I have been TTC for one year now.  I just took my fourth pregnancy test and failed it but I really feel pregnant!  My period is four hours late and I am SO regular.  Also, I was nauseas while drinking my Bloody Mary yesterday morning and I’ve been really bitchy lately.  I’ve had crazy headaches and been completely zonked.  Do you think all the pregnancy tests could be wrong?  Thanks for any responses you send and a good sprinkling of Baby Dust to all!

 The responses would vary from “you go girl, I’m sure you’re pregnant, I have the same thing going on” to “you are a friggin’ moron.”

Around this time, friends would joyfully announce that they were pregnant.  It was especially painful when the expectant parents would laugh and say that they weren’t even trying and then “whoops!  what a happy accident.”  I had to swallow my angry, bitter response and offer my congratulations. 

After all, it wasn’t their fault that my womb was a dried up, barren desert.  It was time to get help.